I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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