I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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