i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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