Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
