Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
