Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
