Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
