Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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