i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
