i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
