based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
