A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
