I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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