No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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