I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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