The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
