My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
