After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
