Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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