I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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