he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
