well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
