Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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