Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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