He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
