My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I supernannyed him into submission
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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