like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
