Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
