I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
