MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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