lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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