There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
