i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
