I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
