All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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