you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
