Soap is not a condiment
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
