I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
