Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
