hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
