woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
