well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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