I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
