My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
