We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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