My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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