I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
