I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
