I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
