Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
