I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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