I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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