If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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