3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
