Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
