News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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