That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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