I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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