So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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