She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
