I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
