My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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