Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
