an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
