Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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