I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
