so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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