pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
