I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
