He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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