He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
