When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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