I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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