How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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