It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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