Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
