Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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