i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
