Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
