Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
