If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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